Posts

Run Away

 Today my heart KNOWS I am blessed. My logical brain is aware of the reality that has not came far in three years tho!!  I have made goals (And I never did that before losing my Bub) Before meeting him life was so stupid,  goals were not a thing I set. I didn’t grow up having dreams, coz the plan was to die early and leave a pretty corpse!! Bub passing away tho, shattered my heart my world and broke my logical brain!! The goal AFTER meeting him? Was to raise the kids as best we could. Buy a home together and die before him!!  All that ended, the day He passed!! WTF?!!  I guess survival mode kicked in?! And  has had me making goals and all that ish?!! I guess therapy helped with that?!!! IDK?  I just know currently I am at a super low place. Apathy is here tho. I use to want to make it have some kind of stable situation. I do not even care enough to keep it together at this point. I feel lower than I did the day my love got his wings!! I cannot even bel...

Sleep Walking

 I think I lost access to my first blog, which makes me sad.  Since my very last post there, I have been through a whole LOT. 💔   Lost THE LOVE  of my life!! Turned the big 50… I am not the same as I use to be, nothing is!!’  Is today the first day I rise up from grief? Hope so. It isn’t fun in this doom cloud. It isn’t fun feeling like you woke up on the other side of the looking glass. Always feeling like you are sleep walking.  EVERYTHING is off!  I am going to keep trying to wake up ever so slowly. It is my understanding sleep walking is  Dangerous…